The 'NOT for Idiots' Guide to Dating

So you want to find true Love? The first logical question is where and how to find true love? Where do I find him or her? Where do I meet the love of my life? Well let me start by giving you some examples of where not to meet him/her. Forget bars, boozer parties, AA, casino's, cults, one night stands, having affairs, alternative lifestyles, prison pen pals, your drug dealer, your drug dealer's sister, strip clubs, and oh yeah, anyone who is currently a candidate for the Jerry Springer show. :) Also, I know you've seen advertisements for singles similar to this Russian Models - Brides or even worse, this Life Is Short - Have An Affair Today. These would also NOT be the types of places to seek a relationship from. There are also some pretty raunchy dating solicitations on late night television, billboards, etc. that you should avoid. As a general rule of thumb, if a dating organization is using immorality and sexual temptation as part of their marketing ploy to seduce you, FLEE!

Now, don't get me wrong, there are some popular secular sites out there that I believe many have found true love through. I'm referring to sites like
Yahoo! Personals 7 Day FREE Trial offer, or Dating is exhausting. Let Matchmaker.com help you find true love. In fact, even though these two singles forums are secular in nature, I do believe that you can 'filter' your profile visibility and any search results with a multitude of filters they offer. You can choose filtering options for such criteria as religion, age, weight, height, race, location, etc. These filters vary from site to site, but I do recommend being true to yourself and utilize these filters accordingly.

I've personally tried singles sites for many years off and on and have known MANY friends and people who have tried various online and offline dating services. The two sites I personally recommend are both online dating services. They are eharmony and Christian Cafe. Christian Cafe gives you free trials (no credit card required). Eharmony gives you a phenomenal in depth personality test that is really quite insightful and worth having. To be honest, I recommend BOTH sites. You really should try them both to decide which one(s) work best for you. (Currently, I don't think Eharmony offers a free trial though.)

Lets not forget other potential ways of meeting someone. My suggestion is to write down on paper what your interests, hobbies and passions are and then find local related organized 'groups', events, or classes. This would increase your chances of meeting someone with like minded interests which is very important for a healthy long term relationship. Also, don't be afraid to let friends of character know you are seeking and wanting true love in your life.

O.K. now lets talk about other pertinent ingredients to finding true love, namely YOU. Me? you ask. Yes, that's right, You! :) Lets take inventory of you because you are half of this love equation. I'm going to be candid here. It absolutely amazes me how many of us will just 'hope' that others will not notice our 'bad hair day-everyday' overweight appearance, money management problems, credit score issues, addictions, etc. But we don't want ANY of those same issues in our mate. We are looking for various degrees of wealth, no baggage, attractiveness, health, etc. in exchange! Take a moment and reflect on that...lets have a little honest one on one time with ourselves.

Lets agree that there are some things within our power that are sabotaging our own efforts of finding true love. Lets also agree that we can change that, starting now! The issues I'm going to address below are common and are within our own control to change. Some things aren't that hard to address and can make a world of difference in our overall attractiveness to others as a potential mate. They can also make a HUGE difference in overall happiness, quality of life and self esteem. It's a win win! So lets get started...

Here are some quick bullet points to address:

J-O-B
I suggest you get one or be an entrepreneur but WORK. (Standing on the corner with a sign that reads 'will work fo food' probably won't cut it).

Credit Score
You can go here and pull your credit score Get Equifax Score Watch Now!
It's free once a year as are the other two credit agencies. If your credit score is below a minimum of 640. I strongly urge that you fix it. Tend to the issues that are listed on your credit report asap. You can enlist a non profit credit repair agency to help you, if need be. Your credit score is basically a numeric indication of 'how reliable you are with money and finances' and can possibly be considered a reflection of character by some. Understandably, extreme situations do happen and bad things do happen to good people. Just remember, finances/credit are only awkward and embarrassing to talk about if there is a p-r-o-b-l-e-m. Bad credit will almost certainly create stress and hardship in the relationship, particularly considering the credit driven society we live in. I hope I'm motivating you to get this addressed.

Weight Problem
If you have more than 10-15 lbs to lose, I urge you to address it NOW before it gets bad. Fat has a snowball affect, especially the older you get. It's cumulatively counter productive in a multitude of ways. The further off course you get, the harder it is to get back to where you want to be. I recommend Medifast meals. They are painless, convenient and most importantly, healthy and tasty! They work! (Check with your doctor first and make sure you aren't allergic to any of the ingredients.) Here is the link Clinically Proven Medifast Meal Replacement Diet. There is one other convenient diet plan I think looks pretty good but I haven't tried them personally. Although, I have heard a lot of good things about this plan. Here it is: Delicious meals with all the trimmings delivered to your door for less than $6 per meal. Lose weight now!


Balding/Unwanted Hair Loss
Why is it that balding men with patches of hair growing off their head here and there, believe they are no less attractive to us women, 'like that'? Lets be honest, men would run for the hills given a women with the same hair loss condition. :) Now, let me clarify something. There are many men out there that can sport a clean shaven bald head and 'pull it off'. They have a sexy masculine head, (GQ or bad boy look) and typically look good with a goatee or without. You know the type. Typically the men who can pull this off are not skinny and don't have thin faces. The men who can typically pull off 'bald is beautiful' are in fact 'beautiful bald'. So, those guys can pull off something us women can't on our best day. However, I just wanted to clarify that it is not the majority of men who can pull this off. It is definitely a select minority of men. What I am trying to drive home here is that women see 'unattractive balding' on men similar to how men see balding on women. That being said, this is not a terribly hard thing to fix in this day and age for EITHER gender. Also, I think you'd be surprised (ladies or men) how much better you will feel about yourself if you regain your hair loss. Hair loss, quite often, has a profound negative affect on people's self esteem, especially women, of course. This affects our emotions, joy and happiness. Feeling poorly about our self image can manifest itself into all areas of our lives, particularly our love lives.

SMOKING
I'll be real short and to the point here. QUIT IT! Did I stutter? Noooo. "Do ya hearrr the words comin' out of my mouth?" Look, I used to be a smoker. I DO know how hard it is to quit. I also know I'll never look back and am SO SO SO glad to be free of that demon on my back for 100+ reasons! I want this for you too. You CAN do this! If you don't do this you are severely limiting the potential singles available to you. MOST people you would WANT to marry and date, won't want to date a smoker. God didn't create us smoking. It is a natural repellent. After you really quit, you can't even stand the smell of it. To this day, it blows my mind I was a 'pack a day plus' kind of gal for years!! :) Lets not forget the obvious health threat to your children and those who are constantly subjected to second hand smoke by you, etc. You need to be around for YOU, your children and your future mate! Smoking KILLS people! Do whatever you have to do to quit. Don't give up! Different methods work for different people. Cigarrest is a very popular method of quitting you might want to check out for yourself...Here is the link. Quit Smoking Now

Excessive Facial/Body Hair
Men, don't prefer women with a mustache and women don't prefer men with gorilla backs. There I said it. What's fair is fair, right? So, Ladies, if you have a mustache or excessive facial hair, stomach hair, or other unattractive, unfeminine body hair...or men, if you have a back that resembles that of a gorilla... I'll put it like this. The karate kid once said, "Wax on, Wax off". :)

It doesn't have to be a big hassel. Getting rid of unwanted or excessive hair is something I suggest. (You will feel SO much better about yourself and around that special someone.) Thankfully for ALL of us, they have permanent, pain free, hair removal options nowadays. Here is a nifty little 'do it yourself' gizmo, The ePen Is Clinically Proven To Remove Hair Forever!
It is inexpensive and has pretty good reviews, too. This will result in the kind of hair loss we want. :)

Plan Ahead for Love
O.K. so we have ourselves all spruced up or are at least starting to address these issues. (Hey, as long as we are trying to improve ourselves by taking positive mini steps daily, that is ALL anyone can ask of anyone else.) You have signed up on a reputable singles site, started dialogue and want to have your first date. Thats great! Early impressions, including the effort and thought (not necessarily dollar amount) put into those first dates, are very important. Here is a neat date night idea to help you out... The two of you could pick out some movies together online at one of these popular sites, Watch a Video for Free on CinemaNow.com! or Blockbuster.com (Make sure to have popcorn, maybe some chocolate, and drinks on hand. :)

If by chance the person you have connected with online is not local to your area, there are many creative ways to 'have a date'. You just have to think outside the box until you can meet in person. For instance, both of you could sign up with a service like this one, Free Trial of Paltalk Scene. Then you could each order chinese in, and have a 'virtual date' together through paltalk's interactive forum. It's pretty neat actually.

Romantic/Thoughtful Gift Ideas
Thoughtful little gifts and cards are GREAT ways to show you care and make that certain someone feel special. However, I strongly don't recommend expensive gift giving early on in a relationship. Here are some thoughtful gift ideas that work for either gender and can be used during the date, too.
$10 off $50 or more of Candles & Gifts Enter coupon code CB1050 at checkout to get $10 off on thousands ohttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.giff unique candles and accessories.
Gevalia Kaffe ...Superb coffee, desserts, teas and other sweet nothings here.

Amanda Buckley
http://healthandwealthvault.blogspot.com

True Love - How We Have Misunderstood The True Nature Of Love

In this article I am going to argue that most of us have completely misunderstood the true nature of love, and as a consequence, we are damaging our relationships and creating problems and misery for ourselves.

For many of us it is in the area of romance that we have the most powerful feelings of love. To find somebody we love and who loves us, is a truly uplifting experience. Falling in love is often the emotional high-point of our lives. While some couples may be lucky enough to sustain these feelings for a lifetime, most of us know from bitter experience that they often fade with time. The quality of our relationships may then be severely compromised or end in failure. If this happens our need for love is so strong that we will continue our search, perhaps finding a new partner, only to see the same problems re-appear in subsequent relationships. Our songs, books, poems and plays describe the ecstasy of finding love and the agony of losing it again. These experiences convince us that love is a fragile, transient phenomenon.

This is how most of us understand love. We see it as something that we lack and must therefore bring into our lives. In this book I will show that this fundamental assumption is at the heart of all our problems. It has created an outward search for love that damages our relationships and causes emotional suffering. It is only by challenging our beliefs about love and reversing our assumptions that we can solve our problems and find lasting happiness.

So let me define love in a completely different way:

Love is not a transient emotion or something that we lack and have to bring into our lives

- it is an intrinsic and unchanging part of us. It is our essence.

Of course, this new definition challenges virtually everything we know about love. Most of us have experienced at first hand the way in which feelings of love seem to come and go depending on circumstances. While it is true that our emotions do fluctuate around the experience of love, our underlying capacity for love remains constant. It is important to distinguish between feelings of love and the loving bond itself. The bond cannot be broken but we may choose to feel or not to feel that bond. Let’s look in more detail at our romantic relationships, because they are good place to explore these ideas.

As we fall in love, our romantic dream comes true. Any feelings of loneliness or emptiness that we experienced before the relationship began will disappear, to be replaced by a variety of positive sensations such as joy, light-headedness, energy, hope, euphoria, creativity and perhaps a sense of floating on air. We feel renewed and able to achieve anything. We are convinced that we have found our perfect partner and that our love will last forever.

Clearly something amazing happens to us during this process – we experience a heightened state of consciousness and become deliriously happy. We can best understand these dramatic changes in mood by looking at our needs and how they are fulfilled in a romantic relationship. At the outset, both partners have a set of needs that they bring to the relationship, the most important of which will be the need to be loved. In our conventional understanding of love we would assume that the presence of our partner has provided the love that we are lacking before we start the relationship. We assume that our feelings of euphoria are our response to their gift of love. Our happiness becomes conditional on the presence of our loving partner. We know that this is the case because if they left us, we would be devastated.

With our new understanding of love we can propose an alternative explanation. The process of falling in love removes the barriers that we have been using to hide our loving essence. At some point we make a subconscious choice to feel the euphoria – we give ourselves permission to feel all the love that is within us. The presence of our partner is important, but only as the trigger to the release of self-love. With this interpretation, when we fall in love with our partner we also fall in love with ourselves. The rapidity with which we fall in love shows that we have not learnt anything new – there wouldn’t be time for that. We already know how to love and be loved because it is our essence. Falling in love is therefore a process of remembering who we really are.

The emotional outcome from both interpretations is identical. We experience the same wonderful feelings of happiness, but the mechanism is totally different. In one we believe we have been given love from outside, and in the other we discover it within. This is a critical difference and has a profound impact on how we approach not just our romantic relationships, but all our relationships in life. The interpretations are based on two fundamentally different beliefs about love.

Our conventional understanding of love is built on a belief in scarcity - that we are personally lacking in love and that there is never enough love to go round. In contrast, our new understanding is built on the idea of abundance – that we are one hundred percent complete when it comes to love. This has some startling implications - it turns everything we know about love on its head, for instance:

• If our essence is love, we must have it in limitless supply.

• We no longer need to search for love because we already have it.

• Although we may stop feeling love, we cannot lose it.

• Our experience of love is not determined by the amount of love we bring into our lives, but by the amount of love that we allow ourselves to feel.

• The quality of our relationships will depend on how much love we are willing give to people and receive in return.

These are challenging ideas. If it is true that our essence is one of love and we have it in abundant supply, then the first and most obvious question we will ask is: “Why don’t we experience love and happiness more often in our lives”? The truth is that we place a number of conditions on whether or not we access our loving essence. In holding back the love, we erect barriers and create smokescreens that hide us and other people from our true identity. Most of us are largely unaware that we do these things.

Much can be done to remove the barriers that we have erected to our loving essence. These will always involve letting go of our guilt and sense of inadequacy and revealing our true selves. For more information please take a look at our website – details below.

About the Author: Peter Granger is an acclaimed relationship counselor and life coach. He runs relationship and self-development workshops in the UK. He has recently launched a book called True Love - The Amazing Truth About Love, Relationships & Life. For more free relationship advice and information about his book, go to http://www.iloveyouloveme.com

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